Fast forward a little bit, and about a year and a half after my high school graduation I met the man I'd always dreamed of marrying, my sweet Lovebug. I felt so lucky, and so grateful that I had lived my life in a way that made me worthy of him! We were married about a year later, and all of the sudden I was a young wife. Suddenly the path that always led me to the savior and the temple and my sweet husband wasn't as laid out for me as it had been in my youth. I was officially an adult, and it was up to me to stay true to the gospel. It wasn't until recently that I realized how much I miss the constant feeling of the spirit I had when I was a teenager! Isn't that sad? I never intentionally strayed away from the spirit, and of course, there have been numerous times in the 5 years that we've been married that I have felt the love my Heavenly Father has for me and felt his spirit comfort me. Obviously I am so glad that the kind of temptations that were everywhere I turned when I was a teenager are not apparent in my life anymore, but it seemed like my life as an adult was actually pretty easy...being a good member of the church was easy. I didn't feel the constant need to do all the things that kept the spirit with me like I did when I was in high school because now I felt safe. I felt like I had gotten to where I wanted to go..I made it to the temple, and I married a really great man. What I am realizing now is there is SO MUCH MORE than just getting to the temple, and being a good wife, and having babies. You should know I am somewhat cringing as I write this because I know I sound so silly and I'm openly admitting to how naive I've been.
I know that the Lord is expecting so much more from me, and I and so grateful for how incredibly patient our Father in Heaven is. Here I am now, a mother of 2 precious and perfect children. I realize now what will drive me to keep the spirit with me at all times, my Landon and Chloe. How in the world am I supposed to teach them if I am just letting life happen to me? If I'm just going through the motions of doing the right things? It's good to go to church. It's good to pray before meals. It's good to read the book of Mormon daily. Those are things are pretty standard in our home. My goal however, is to add more to what our standard is. I want my children to know that I want to be at church, and I want them there as well. I want them to know why we pray before meals, and how not only reading, but studying the Book of Mormon can literally change our lives. I want my kids to expect family home evening every week. I want to draw closer to the savior as a family, and individually.
I am embarrassed that it's taken me this long to figure out that I need to change. I know that Satan wants to destroy families, and make the little things we do to keep Jesus Christ in our homes seem not so important. I don't ever want to feel like I am letting Satan in simply because I'm not being proactive about doing what Heavenly Father wants me to do in order to protect my family. So here's to a new year, and "new standard" for our family.
Took the words right out of my mouth Shell...I just wish I was a better teen :) You're a great mommy
ReplyDeleteLove this!
ReplyDeleteI think u r speaking for a lot of us! We xan do it and find the balance. Although, I think as a teenger we need that constant influence and reminder to get us to where we are now. As we righteously live our lives our children will too realize they as well need that in their lives as we did then. We are working in our home a more gospel centered home, but natually I think as our kids get older they will "demand" they why's and how's of what we believe. Because it us a part of our lives, it will become that way for them. Thanks for sharing. I miss you in our ward!
ReplyDeleteI was not a member of the church in my youth and sometimes, a lot of times, I really struggle with seeing how easy these things come to others and it makes me sad when I think how I let an FHE night slip away or if we didn't read before bed. I sometimes get upset that I didn't grow up in the church because if I had, these things would come easier and just be apart of my life. I would know more, I would have seen how an FHE is supposed to work etc. But it doesn't matter how long you've been apart of this great work. It's about striving to be a better person than you (I) was the day before. I worry about my children not knowing how much I love the Gospel too. Thank you for sharing this, even if it was hard. It's helped me to see that I'm not the only one struggling with these desires, and was the reminder I needed to be better, for myself and my family. Thank you. You really are a beautiful example to me.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this! I feel the same so much of the time. Isn't it such a blessing we have these precious spirits that keep us wanting to do better each day :)
ReplyDeleteMichelle, I have been thinking about the same thing a lot lately. Within the past few months. I have the SAME teenage experience. I reflect on it often and LOVED those years so much, and in a huge part I believe its because of how close I was to my Savior. Actively growing my testimony, and spending my free time with my member friends who I adored. I get it. And I've been making a change too, and it's already feeling better. Following @bom365 on instagram has already helped me to make a change and pick up my scriptures again. It's what I needed. Thanks for sharing. You are so not alone.
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